Oh, ye of little faith...

What a year it has been. With all the trials and tribulations, blessings and beginnings. We have had so much and done so much this year. It's been a year of aches and pains, heart felt hurts and warmth. A year of doubt and assertion, diversion and togetherness. A blessed year and a cursed year as well.

Though we have had our roughest year financially and physically. Our spirituality has grown in leaps and bounds. We struggled from paycheck to paycheck and wondered where the next meal money would come from. We started a new plan of financial attack only to have it dashed time and again to the derision of my sanity. We've even had division of family unity at one point. 

Heavenly Father is there again to help us by leaps and bounds to overcome these issues and others. This year, we fought as a family and because of it, we grew closer together. We've started a bonding process of trust and love that had we not discussed the differences, we never would have been able to repair most of the damage that was caused. I know without a doubt that we needed to move here to the coast if only to gain the understanding and patience we needed in each other. Our family is truly blessed and I love each and every one of the members here and all around.

We lost Dad Whitehead this year as well. What a wonderful person he was/ is. The perfect example he and mom were to their six wonderful sons. I can only hope to proved even a small unit of their value in my life. I only can hope at my last days that I can even be slightly appreciated and loved in comparison to what they are. I love this Whitehead clan to the strength of my heart and depth. I can't express it enough how thankful I am for my husband and children and grandchildren. Each member has their love and strengths in things I can't begin to compare to. I am ever grateful for the love I feel for them. They mean so much to me. I am truly blessed.

We also received blessings from the Church this year as well. Though we struggle to maintain a membership of activity, the ward here continues to help us in ways I sometimes feel we don't deserve. They are special people, having to deal with so much more than over the years. I know that Heavenly Father guided us here for a reason and as we continue to be here, I learn more and more why. Our ability to get out and explore our surroundings with a minimums financial challenges is only the best reason to be here. That, and the fact that I see so much beauty that my heart can't begin to hold it all. Again, I am truly blessed. Our health issues are being maintained thanks to the doctors and such we have through Pismo and also for Gary, the VA. The local system exceeds the capabilities of where we lived before and I am truly grateful that he will be receiving the care he has needed for so long. As we try once again to update his Compensation and Pension status, I can only hope and pray he will be able to get what he needs and deserves. As for me, I've found that I am able to get better service here and will only see success of my physical and hopefully, emotional needs as well... Next? It's time for dental and optical care for both of us..

I guess what I mean to say is that we should as a people, have faith and understanding in the Lord. He provides all our needs and wants as we should obtain them. He is the only means by which we can obtain blessings in Heaven. He is the real reason we are here. I can only hope to impulse his path and share my love for him at all times. Love to you and yours... See ya in 2014.

Groggy day and nights

Feeling kind a Punky today. My FMS is acting up and I'm just too tired to do much. It's been a wonderful Christmas time for me. My family is so special and I love them so much. We had a nice breakfast yesterday at one of my grandson's apartments. He and his mom prepared it and I enjoyed the meal and especially the time together with all the kids. My girls are so special to me and sometimes I fail to share that with them. 

Heavenly Father blesses me with so much. My husband and I really appreciate where we are. Even the struggles aren't so bad that we can't find a solution for them. We both have health issues and we know the responsibilities we have to take to solve them. I'm grateful for him and his never ending love for me. I even told him one day last week that I was basically shocked that he hadn't left me. I'm a melodramatic person at times and I know some of the things I've done and said could warrant a late night run for the border, so to speak. He has stood by my side and endured the craziness that I've thrown at him. I just love him to bits...thanks baby.

I'm looking forward to the next year. As each year comes along, I look into how I've learned and grown from the previous year. All I can say is I get more excited each year as I learn and grow. God loves me and all I can do is return that love.

Blessings continue...

I love my Heavenly Father. He always knows when we need things even when we are to stubborn to ask for them. Yesterday, a member of our church showed up at our door with an envelope. I was surprised at what I found in there as it was a set of gift cards at various denominations of cash. My first thought was how wonderful. I can sure spend these quickly enough. I planned last night what I would spend them on and got up today to fully intend to go out on a spree... After taking our little dog out for a run on the beach and checking out some never before seen sights, we headed home to drop off the dog. As we traveled homeward, I had an epiphany of thought. Knowing that we didn't have even two cents to rub together for Christmas gifts, I told Gary that it would be better that we share the gift cards. So instead of spending them, we divided them up among our family members so they could get something from mom and dad, and gramma and grandpa. I felt so good after making that decision. I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father prompted me to think of others besides myself. It takes time to share the gospel and today, I wanted to thank you all for reading my thoughts and ideas. Love it so much. Keep up the spirit of Christmas... Christ is the true meaning of this time... Blessings await us when we remember this.

What a Blessing

Today was... I had the opportunity to share a wonderful day with a wonderful family. The Whitehead family is the greatest definition of love everlasting. Today, we had a simple ceremony for Dad Whitehead's passing. What a wonderful way to celebrate someone's life! A few simple expressions of love and friendship were shared by family and friends alike. I really appreciated the humbleness of each person as they got up to share some serious and sometimes funny tidbits of their lives with dad. Each person shared in their own way how they felt. It was a great blessing to be counted amongst the family membership, to know so many God fearing people with a great respect for each other and God.

Dad showed us all how to live a simple life. The best example was given by one of the grandsons on how simply he lived. He didn't worry about the little things. He always felt that anything could be solved through work and the love of Jesus Christ. Dad proclaimed his love for Jesus on may occasions. He made sure his sons knew the importance of a good work ethic and also of the great love for their Heavenly Father. He showed through example how to live for your family and for God. They were intertwined and treated the with the same respect. He and mom made sure the boys had everything they needed and even some things they just wanted. The boys learned through hard work and responsibility that they could accomplish anything. I think the best thing I heard was when Dad's father talked to some of the boys in his church one Sunday afternoon. Grandpa Whitehead asked all the boys at church to come to his house that afternoon. He told them that he expected to be able to see everyone of them in Heaven. Through this example, he emphasized the importance of living a Godly life, knowing that in the end, you will make it to God's kingdom. The importance in our lives is to live worthy to be with God. To show through our example and fortitude the way to eternal life. We as children of God must be worthy to go back to him someday to hear; "Well done, my Good and faithful servant. Thou hast been faithful over a few things. Thou shalt be made ruler over many things." 

I know without a doubt that Dad is with Mom now. The day started out raining in spurts to downpours. The clouds were dark and unruly. When the ending of the ceremony came to pass, the sun shone through the clouds. Mom was sharing with us her joy of being reunited with Dad again. Oh, what a glorious day. What a glorious blessing.

What's true, then again, what's false?

I think God put me here to learn more than anything else. I guess in my years of ignorance, the one thing I am learning is how little I know. Lately, people have informed me of falsehoods and rumors that seem or be rampant in society. We hear of many of these through curiosity and sometimes through anger and contention. 

I am learning to check out the information and to relay what I find as the answer, truth and fact. If people choose to ignore it at that point, then all I can do is pray that their eyes are opened to the realism of truth. I'm not sure if I am supposed to be the voice on these things, but I will do what I can when I am prompted. 

I want to say more but I feel the urge to hold off. I think it is so I can learn more facts. I know that Heavenly Father uses us as talking vessels for the truth. I also know that we are not to act in defense of the truth under contentious circumstances. I pray that if you find yourself in a questionable situation of defending the truth, be it religious or otherwise, that we will remember to pray and ask for assistance to know what to say and how to say it. God loves all of mankind even though he doesn't like all that we do. He is here to help us know what to say and most important, when and how to say it. I know that I've been directed to speak the truth when people are ready to hear it. I pray that someday, we will be able share our truths without provocation, and especially without contention. 

Tough weekend

I've been at my Father-in-laws home this weekend, watching his almost catatonic face as he suffers in his last days. The best motion of life was the softness in his eyes. You could see how the spirit was with him. Dad lives a very full life. He's not gone yet but soon will be. He was blessed with a large family so strong strapping sons. All of which were taught the concept of family importance and self reliance. They learned to respect others and maybe they got stepped on a bit, or lost a few battles here and there, but they all are full of life and a true love of God.

Gary's parents always taught them to trust in God and to pray. They shared a huge bond of love and understanding. I know for me it is humbling to see so many successful people in one family. I measure their success on the love of their children and how they are so cohesive. You can see in the children, the love of their parents. You also see the strength of their individual personalities. Bill and Dorothy Whitehead are a wonderful example of how to raise a loving family. They truly loved each other. They gave their children the opportunity to have their own free agency, in a time when it wasn't so much a tradition to do so. The boys all made very wise decisions. It's amazing how they ll seem to share the same traditions in their own families during the holidays and birthdays. Train a child in the way they should go and they will not stray far from it. It's a true concept in this family. They love God and show great respect to each other, their wives, children and other people who the deal with.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you would think I was describing another Mormon family. No, they are not LDS, but they show such a wonderful example of a good family life.  We as members of the church must remember that there is a lot of really good people in this world. They will be with God as are we. Their examples will shine as brightly as any that we can share. We know that Heavenly Father wants all his children to be with him. It is our responsibility to share how we feel. I was able to share a small portion of my testimony of the Book of Mormon this weekend. I know that it was inspired to talk about the comparison of the two sticks. The stick of Judah and the stick of Joseph. I know also that it was just a conversation and not a conversion. I know God loves us all... We need to remember more than how we live, but also how we share our lives with others...

I'm going to miss Dad when he goes to the great beyond, but I know of assurity he will be in a better place and no longer suffering. I know his family here on earth is prepared for his passing and they accept in their own way the will of the Lord. Their compassion and acceptance humbled me this weekend and helped me to remember the importance of our lives. It's important for me to remember who is in charge always. Our lives are intertwined with other lives not only to teach but to learn. I've been doing a lot of learning lately...

Conference session, 183rd semi annual...

I missed the first 30 minutes of this mornings conference. What I gathered from the rest of the session, was that we are being reminded of our obligations we made when we were baptized and confirmed. I was grateful that modern technology allowed me to watch on my iPad. Our leaders are so inspired to speak the words of God. I enjoyed seeing the diversity of our leadership. It was a pleasure to realize how far stretched the gospel is. I felt humbled as well through the admonitions of President Uctdorf. Sorry if I spelled his name wrong. He was an encouragement to me. I have a difficult time getting off my can and going to church. I say this with tears in my eyes. I don't like missing church. I know part of the time, it cant be helped, but I also know that I need to motivate myself more to do what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I have been praying and reading the scriptures this week. It has helped me to be able to get my heart in order so I can do the little things and grow in the gospel. I can't believe how much just a small touch of spiritualism has helped. My heart is so full. I am beginning to lose my fear for the future.

I have really been blessed this week. My communication lines with Aric (my oldest grandson) has grown leaps and bounds. He first is going by his name as Aric, and also he wishes to be able to communicate with Melanie again. Not right away, but he wants to open the door. I can't express how much this fills my heart with love and appreciation for my life and MY family. I know without a doubt that once again, God has his hand in opening the communication in our family. Aric is excited to get back in touch with us and wants to see everybody again. I just can't wait.

 

I have been humbled in so many ways. I feel loved so much. My friends and family show love to me. I have been blessed so much. I love my God and I love how life can be good even in these trying times. I also am blessed to live here on the coast and to enjoy everyday the beauty of its beaches and the ocean. It's also awesome to know that I can see the mountains and valleys so closely. Heavenly Father made all this for us. He gave us his son so we can be with him again. He gave us contention so we can learn to compromise and help each other. He gave us love so we can learn charity and give to those in need. He gave us understanding so we can help and pray for those who need encouragement. He gave us family and friends so we can teach and learn from each other. He gave us patience so we can realize the blessings of prayer and perseverance. He gave us faith so we can have something to lean on when all else seems to fall apart.

I'm so grateful for all I have. I am so full of love and the spirit right now. I pray that my words hit someone in a good way. I only hope and pray that we as a people can come together as one in purpose and in prayer. I KNOW the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I KNOW that God lives and loves us. I KNOW the Book of Mormon is true along with the Holy Bible and the other scriptures are true as far as they are translated correctly. I KNOW that the leaders of the church as inspired by Heavenly Father. I KNOW that Thomas S. Monson is the Prophet, Seer and Revelater for our time. I KNOW that Jesus Christ will come down in his time and clean up the trials and problems we are facing... God is always with us...Keep the faith and go on...

What goes around?

Comes around... That phrase can be said as Karma or the ability of something to come back on you. In this case, it's good Karma. Every once in a while we as parents must give advise or warning of situations that can change at a moments notice. As I consider this, in my own life, I realize that God has been doing this for me a lot lately. I am ever grateful for what I have learned from his wisdom through the scriptures and the examples I have seen. If we but read the scriptures thoroughly and ponder and pray as we do so, things tend to settle down. 

This last week, we have taken efforts to get away and just be Gary and Jan. We've gone out on drives to explore more of our home area, sometimes taking my Cee Cee with us and sometimes, just the two of us. It has made a remarkable difference to me for sure and I've noticed a difference in Gary as well. I can't say everything is perfect but I can say that seeing the perfect world around me makes me appreciate how insignificant we can be. How our so called troubles can be left like an incoming wave only to go away from us so we can see things in a better light. 

Heavenly Father always blesses me in time of need even when I sometimes feel I don't deserve it. It is his wisdom to chose which prayers he will answer and how he answers them. Sometimes I feel I've been wronged by the answers I get but I do know it's in his time and not ours that things are accomplished.

Understanding faith...

I love my family and I can get into some deep discussions about various subjects. Like today for instance, my step-daughter and I were discussing ailments and health insurance. I was trying to explain how my ailments were subsiding somewhat but that the type of sickness, just doesn't totally go away. Having just lost my health insurance because we moved, I am now starting a process of finding new coverage. 

My method of operation always starts with prayer and meditation. Knowing what I need and asking Heavenly Father to help me to find the wisest choice for me are the beginning steps I take to get this journey started. Of course to accomplish this fete takes a lot of Faith. Ah Faith, a word that rings true to every man, woman or child. Whether we mention the word and our belief in it or just in our day to day lives it makes up very aspect of our lives.

Whether we know it or not, we practice faith from the moment we get up to the minute we go to bed and even through out the night. We show faith by knowing we will wake up every morning, eat the food in our pantry and wear the clothes in our closets. These things are taken for granted most of the time because we bought and paid for them. We also know that the roof over our heads and the cars we drive are there for our use. All this takes Faith. People practice faith as they go to work, school or shopping. No matter where, what or when we do things, faith is a guiding presence that flows with us whatever we do.

There are people of great faith like Job, Abraham, Joseph Smith and the early leaders of our country like Washington, Lincoln and the rest. Each started a new avenue in their lives due to faith and an idea to make things better. Job had his trial of faith, losing lands, animals and even family members, having health issues and pretty much any trial that would make most men waver. But he didn't...he kept his faith and was blessed with what he needed and what God had planned for him. Abraham showed his faith when he offered Isaac up for sacrifice and God provided a sheep for him to use when the trial hit its highest mark. Joseph Smith showed his faith by praying for what he needed and starting one of the fastest growing churches in the world. Through faith and listening to the inspiration of Heavenly Father he provided the means to bring the only true church back to the world and it continues this day to grow and expand. Washington and Lincoln showed faith by starting a new country and sharing new ideas of equality and inspiration. 

Faith is practiced through every aspect of our lives. Some people would say that they accomplished it. They made things happen. They would even take credit for it to the detriment of their future. World leaders have risen and fallen because of their false since of importance. Taking credit for things they had no real advantage of. True men of faith will flourish and sometimes even fail. The difference being that they can and usually will get back up again.

Having faith is an important part of everyday living. Showing faith is an essential growing tool in my life. Knowing the church is true is how I am now. Having faith and a belief is how it started for me. My testimony grows because of faith. My life is happy because of showing faith and knowing that I am loved. I know without a doubt that faith has sustained everything I say and do. I know that I will find what I need because of faith and also that I am truly blessed...

What death means to Mormons

This last week, I've learned of the deaths of two dear friends. One was a family member and the second was a wonderful sister of our previous ward. I am taking this opportunity to share how I as a member of the LDS Church feels about death and the wonderful blessings these people will receive. 

Of course, at this time, the families are understandably sad and feeling lonely. A son of God is gone before his time, and a mother, wife, sister, and daughter of God has been taken from the family. They both suffered the effects of cancer, a devilish disease that I wish could be taken from the earth. I know that Heavenly Father no longer wanted them to suffer and also for their families to suffer either. He has promised us that we will be able to see our friends and family in the here after, to be able to see them whole and healthy and happy. We know that they will be continuing the Lord's work in eternity. With the number of members growing here in earth, it is essential to teach our families and friends about the Gospel and to show them the blessings that will flow forth in these the latter days.

In D&C 132, "Latter-day revelation confirms that the Bible teaches about the family and adds the most important truth that through thr gospel of Jesus Christ the family can be sealed together in a permanent relationship for time and all eternity". Isn't that a wonderful promise? I know for me, I look forward to seeing my family again. Oh how I miss my parents and other precious family members. I know that we can be there with them if we endure to the end and share our lives with our Heavenly Father and all those with whom we come in contact..

Learning Patience...

I've been one who doesn't have much patience. Sometimes I frustrate myself and have to mentally bite my tongue to keep from saying anything. I used to just say what ever was on my mind but as of late, I've been keeping things in check. I know that walking helps me to relax and maintain a since of calm, though I still get anxious a lot of the time. I can't lie, I do have a constant feeling of inadequacy that makes me feel as if people are against me. It's wrong but I've had it most of my life. I know that Jesus and Heavenly Father loves me as do my family and friends. I still seem to let Satan get to me to convince me that people are either talking about me or just pretend to like and tolerate me. I know it's not true, so I keep praying for patience. It's one test that I take every day and one test I seem to fail on a regular basis. 

I know that sometimes, I tend to bring the problem on myself. I have a concept of who I am and how much I am loved...I know that it's wrong and most of the time, I can ignore it, but when things go south I have to dig in and trust in God to help me settle things down. In the topical guide, in James, chapter three the headline reads: "by governing the tongue, we gain perfection--Heavenly wisdom is pure, peaceable and full of mercy"  in verses 3 thru 10 it reads: 

3. "Behold, we put bits in horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.

4. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great,and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.

5. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!

6. And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: soils the tongue among our members that it defileth the whole body, and set teeth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

7. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:

8. But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

9. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.

10. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things aught not so to be."

In conclusion, know for yourselves that patience is important. The tongue is as a sharp sword, bringing cutting remarks and feelings to those of whom it speaks evil of. Heavenly Fathers allows us to chose how we act. We need to chose to act wisely, and keep out mouths and tongues in check...

Agency

Agency is how we make our choices. It's the way to doing good and obtaining our blessings or going astray and losing ourselves in the human weaknesses. We all have free agency. We all are allowed to make our own decisions in accordance of how we want to live our lives. 

I've been living on the fence for a number of years, making a few good decisions and a few not so good ones. I'm not doing drugs or alcohol or anything that obvious. I'm not sinning in the ways of the flesh or watching porn or any of the obvious sins that we look at and point fingers to. I simply talk a good game. I share my thoughts and ideas about how I feel on random subjects. I tickle your fancy with bright words and happy thoughts. Sometimes, I am the worst kind of sinner. I flatter you into thinking that I know all you need to gain your trust. 

How about me? I go to church every week. I say open prayer to hear my words spoken, I share my friendship with the right people and influence those around me with soft words and smiles. I have my scriptures and pictures laying around the house when the Relief Society teachers or the a home teachers show up. I turn off the TV when I know I am to have visitors. I smile at everyone, yet, I am alone, lost in myself, hoping to make people happy. Yet, though I smile and give outword praise, I don't share my testimony. I don't get involved in positions in the church. I sit on the outside enough that I am noticed but ignored.

Or, maybe you want to be me... Lost and confused but knowing what I must do to gain my faith back. I intend to go to church every week, but at the last minute an excuse comes up. I hurt, or I have a family plan or maybe I just sleep in. I watch every day the words of the spirit roll off my back as the prompt me to return and again, I make a resolve to come back. To be there every week and to participate in the wonderful ness of the gospel.

I could show more examples of how we as members can almost share our love of Jesus Christ. How we can almost show a good example of how we should act or be. I can share tidbits so information of how we can almost be there when the time comes. But, do we really want to almost be there? Do we really want to show people that we are everyday Mormons or sometime Mormons? I can't judge any of this as I am or have been these people. I don't always go to church when I should. 

I do know without a doubt that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. I do know that Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God, as is Thomas S Monson now. I do know that there are inspired men of the church, who lead us and guide us in our lives. I know also that the Book of Mormon is true and so is the Holy Bible. I know that God lives and loves us. I know that Jesus died for us and sacrificed his life so we can be atoned for our sins. I know that the Holy Spirit is there to help us to gain our spiritual strength. I know the Missionary program will grow and flourish. I know all these things and my spirit sours to share the gospel. 

We need to get ourselves more into doing the things we must to get active in church. Sometimes, it feels like a routine, a practice of daily ritual that we do. Saying our prayers, reading our scriptures, following the teachings of the church. It feels kind of fake sometimes, like a robot. Yes, these are things I think about as I wonder myself back to the fold. I feel as a member that we need to try to get the inactives back into the church. I've lost many a friend and family member to inactivity including myself. I know that I must try harder for me and pray harder for all of us.  Encourage each other for the positive. I'm not going to pretend that it's easy, but I will tell you it will feel good in the long run. 

How do I begin?

I am a happy and cautiously proud member of the church of Jesus Christ is Latter Day Saints. I have been a member most of my life from the age of 11 years. We were introduced to the church through a good friend of my oldest Brother, Robert. Bronson would invite my brother to go to various activities and when my parents would allow him to go, they would ask questions. Of course the missionaries were then invited to our home and the discussions began.
Being young, sensitive to the spirit and easily led in heart type things, I always found a way to accept the emotional things in life. I loved church...at the time we were going to the Salvation Army. Yes, they had meetings and activities. I even earned a Holy Bible by resighting the Books of the New Testimony. It was a zippered Rainbow Bible which I kept until it fell apart. I was one of the first to go to the front during the commitment to be saved each week. Hey, I cried about Puff, the Magic Dragon as a Beehive in Mutual.
As the years went by, my testimony strengthened and grew in various ways. It was all in accordance with the church positions I held or the trials I was trying to overcome. I felt happy and content and made the weekly trips to church, sometimes after little sleep on Saturday night because of a side job I had as a non-paid DJ for church dances and activities. We really had a good time. 

I met a nice young man and married in the temple. I continued to go to church regularly and to enjoy the learning and blessings I got there.  After a few months, my husband was killed in a serious accident Up to this point, I had been mostly active and involved. I started to feel uncomfortable going to the ward I was attending so, I went back to my old ward and I still didn't seem to feel comfortable.

 Finally, after much pain and blaming others for my reasons, I quit going to church. Only when I visited family or on special occasions, would I attend. Finally, I ascended into the temptations of life which I have since been forgiven of and repented of as well. I started to attend church vicariously when the mood hit or when I felt guilty enough to go. 

I got married to my husband that I have now and as he wasn't a member, I would go off and on. If anything was happening on Sunday, activities were always first. Finally, I realized that I had to get back into the church. We started going to visit my family in Utah and of course, there were many LDS Temples noticeable on the road. My husband took an interest in them and started his curiosity of the church. After we had been married for about ten years and two attempts, he accepted the church and was baptized. We were married in the Temple in Fresno, CA on November 24,2001. Since then my life has not been the same. 

I have left names out to start with so you could see the basic story of my life. I will introduce people as I go. My husband and I have been together for over 22 years and we are blessed with many family members. Though my activity is still slow, I remain more active than in the past and resolve with this writing to gain a better strength to sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ.